


A Really Bad Idea

by autumntoash



Series: autumn's oneshots [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Clay | Dream & Technoblade Friendship (Video Blogging RPF), Drabble, Gen, God damnit, Sort Of, Technoblade Is An Idiot, Technoblade-centric (Video Blogging RPF), based off of myself, chatfic, yeah im an idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:35:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28163289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumntoash/pseuds/autumntoash
Summary: so i thought it was a good idea to eat 2 pounds of apple sauce in thirty minutes.it, in fact, was not.--1000 hits! that's insane22.12.2020
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF)
Series: autumn's oneshots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2179626
Comments: 15
Kudos: 270





	A Really Bad Idea

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kansaaieitj](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kansaaieitj/gifts).



> [artwork](https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/766304564281344030/789687548888219648/Screenshot_20201219-105523_Autodesk_SketchBook.jpg?width=233&height=498) by kansaaieitj#5030 on the dreamnoblade discord server  
> \---  
> all of this is based off of myself! i ate 2 pounds of applesauce...

Techno was in the bathroom. He was taking a shower after a long day of existing and the sort. While in the bathroom, he thought about the applesauce container he had spotted in the pantry the other day while looking for the peanut butter. He thought back to Phil, who had bought it for him after he had asked for it, but he didn't eat it for the few months it was there. So, him being the best thinker in the world, decided that he'd eat the whole thing. Now Tommy was out with friends for a few weeks, and Wilbur and Phil were out to eat (he decided not to go with), so he was home alone, with only a dog and a fish for company, which there wasn't a problem with that, but it was lonely. He ate some noodles in the bathroom before undressing and hopping in for a searing hot shower, washing all the grime off his body. He had strawberry scented soap and hair stuff and whatnot but it would be the end of the world before he admitted that. He continued to shower in peace, with songs from a playlist playing off his phone as ambient noise.

Now he was out of the shower. He got on his laptop to fool around, and took out the jar. He didn't grab a spoon. He opened the lid and set it aside, bringing the applesauce container to his lips as he drank it. He drank it slowly with a few pauses in between, so he wouldn't throw up about it before he was done. That would definitely not help, at all. He texted Phil about it, so Phil would be prepared for whatever state Techno would be in, and who is he not to tell his dad about the poor life choices he made? The worst one by far was probably the one time he went to a party, what happened there is another story for later, but all Techno remembers it as is "the party incident" or "why i do not ever go to parties no matter how much peer pressure there is on me".

<techno> leaving me unattended was a bad idea

<techno> i don't know how you'll react to this but i am eating the entire container of applesauce at once

<fatherly figure> What did you do?

<fatherly figure> Oh

<techno> all 2 1/8 pounds of it. im most of the way done

<fatherly figure> You're gonna have the shits big time

<techno> i know father. i resigned myself to this fate the moment i opened the door of the pantry

<fatherly figure> Prob no sparring tomorrow lol

<techno> no i will go

<techno> watch me

Techno put his phone down as he refocused on the laptop in front of him, occasionally sipping at the applesauce. He thought he was going to throw up as he stood up and cleaned the now empty container of applesauce. He set it in the recycling bin as he retreated back to the couch, and opened his communicator. The Blood God, Technoblade, had just eaten a little over 2 pounds of applesauce because he believed he could. (idiot) He texted Tubbo about it for some reason, and got this.

<biggest t> hey tubbo i just ate a lot of applesauce, like 2 pounds

<bee boy> Techno how much do you weigh I want to find out how much of you is appelsause

<biggest t> like 180 pounds

<bee boy> You are 1.1% applesause

<biggest t> thank you tubbo

Techno now knew the percent of him that was applesauce. Tubbo was smart, but he didn't think that he'd figure that out. But then again, it was Tubbo he was talking about. Sighing again, he selected a random contact. It was Dream. 

  
  
<techie> dream

<dreamie> technoblade

<techie> i literally put 2 entire pounds of just applesauce into my body

<dreamie> why

<dreamie> why would you eat so much applesauce

<techie> i thought it was a good idea

<techie> i thought i could do it

<dreamie> and why would you think that

<techie> i don't know

<techie> when i told my friends i was doing it they asked if i was high, which i am not because phil would kill me

<dreamie> them thinking you were high is valid lmao

<techie> i hate you, but i am home alone and the prospect of being a rebellious problem child was appealing. in the form of eating a little over 2 pounds of applesauce _._ and the worst part is that i drank it. i drank it straight out of the bottle

<dreamie> why do you have 2 pounds of applesauce at home

<techie> i requested applesauce a few months ago for some reason

<dreamie> not surprised

<techie> i hate you so much

<dreamie> i love you too

Groaning, he put his phone down and focused on how Wilbur and Phil would tease him _so badly_ when they got home. But at least it was funny. It hurt his stomach but it was _worth it_ when he saw the responses his friends gave him after he announced the news. It was worth it when Philza Minecraft teased him. A lot of people he knew didn't know yet, so he took it upon himself to let everyone know.

[dre]

<technoboob> ok guys you will not believe what i just did

<its just a dreeeeam> i already know

<philza minecraft> Me too

<little t> ^^ :)

<puffball> What happened?

<nihachu> ?

<ranboob> yes what happened, also who changed my name

<astronomically big man> not me

<alyssa> hey!

<skppye> hi itd me skyppe

<puns> Hi Skeppy, Hi Alyssa

<dad> Skeppy!

<skppye> hu bab

<lemons> Hello

<ranboob> hello ponk :)

<ant man> Hi! ^^; What's going on?

<jorge> apparently @ technoboob has something to say

<arson> tell us, oh wise technoboob

<astronomically big man> Is Techno and Ranboo both having boob in their names planned?

<puffball> Maybe, Tommy.

<technoboob> so basically i ate 2 pounds of applesauce in 30 minutes

<its just a dreeeeam> can confirm he told me

<ranboob> techno are you okay?

<technoboob> no

<skppye> goidjf jogv tehfnobodhifje

<technoboob> what

<dad> He means: "good job technoblade"

<technoboob> thank you badboyhalo

<dad> ^^

And if he shit so badly Tommy asked if he was okay, nobody needed to know.

**Author's Note:**

> this thing is long for a drabble, but i hope you enjoyed!
> 
> __
> 
> the conversation with phil was the same one i had with my mum  
> the conversation with tubbo was one i had with members of r/technoblade discord  
> and the conversation with dream was one i had with the person this is dedicated to :)  
> the other things, besides the group chat, are also heavily based off of myself, because i think its funny :)


End file.
